The Hero's Journey

Dedicated to Janeane Garofalo, who spoke at the American Comedy Co. to the audience, "Are YOU on The Hero's Journey?" (Yes, I guess you knew.)

The Hero's Journey:

At every turn, there is a battle, an old one or the same one as usual. A monster trying to choke you or fool you or snare you. Again you try with all your might to tell yourself that you won't die, not this time, not after how far you've come. This monster was always there, it was a plant in the game of life, purposely and strategically planted to test your will power.

Why God? Why can't it ever be enough the first time we break through the trap? Why is one difficult test never enough? You want to prove to yourself your own worthiness of love, when you are love itself. Now that's a little screwy God, you have to be a little easier on yourself, for the sake of us all.

Where are the little gold coins in the sky? I collect pennies for the last 2 years or so; they seem to drop right in front of me on the street. But pennies don't pay the bills. You're barely surviving and God says, "No, you'll make it, just keep your eye on the target."

Of course God, right, the usual over-achiever, you could have been a little less sadistic in this human game.

Medicine, drugs, thugs and bugs at every corner.

Television, indecision, NEEDS REVISION! This plot's gotta twist...

Discrimination, humiliation, incarceration, devastation, give us a life rennovation!

In 10...9...8..7..6..5..4...3..2...1.......The Hero Scores a Touchdown for Humanity.... rises to the skies with wings the size of the milky way galaxy.

You couldn't have gotten me there sooner God? That would have been too easy for you? No pain, no gain? Are you sure about that?

Nausea, vomiting, headache, diarrhea, eczema, heart-attack, stroke, dry mouth-this drug label's gotta be a joke!!

Break the mold, oh great Hero, that's all we ask of you, and please, while you're down there on the Earth plane, Keep The Faith...You're the only one who can do this job. Take it easy, huh? You got the cool role, again....sorry you have all those past life battle wounds...errrr....they will heal, we promise! (Hero's always get the noose and go up in flames, it's all a part of the Hero Glamour).

All these souls gotta pass their exams. Remember the fingernail technique, that will get their attention.

Aye, Aye, Space Captain....

Astral Awareness..... new lesson topic. You exist in multiple dimensions ....

Quiz question: Which reality is more real? Your waking life or your dream life?

A. Waking Life, Duh, that's why they call them dreams.

B. Dream Life, because we originate in the Astral Plane, and Life is the real dream.

C. Both-Each Reality is a simulation--uh--or----a Hallucination.

D. Holy Shit...What am I? Where am I? Who am I?

Ok, Class, Teacher's Taking a Cat Nap.