If you are uniquely curious, you may have wondered where you were before you were born, rather than where you go when you die. When I was two years old, I asked my Mother where I was before I was born, leaving her shocked and perplexed. Then at around age eighteen, I inquired again, arguing that the essence of my being was not created by the joining of an egg and sperm. I knew I had existed prior to this physical event and that somehow I was an eternal being. Despite my yearning for this truth, I didn't discover my soul identity and it's major past life until I was thirty-two years old. I know I will be judged for making a bold statement about who I am on this Earth, and who I was before, but this is the risk I take in setting out on a painstaking mission to take the Human Race to the next level in God.
Part 1: Remembering the Hero Within Me.
It was almost the Summer of 2016. I had just finished my first year at Bastyr University where I was studying Naturopathic Medicine. It wasn't easy, but I was always strong in the Sciences and with the help of the beautiful nature scenes in San Diego I was managing pretty well. Around May, I heard a voice in my head- powerful and clear, saying to me, "This Summer will mark the beginning of your spiritual journey." "Ok," I thought, "Here I go down the rabbit hole."
Prior to 2016 I had been through a lot of struggle with my physical and mental health for years. I left my job in Cambridge, Massachusetts as a Laboratory Technician in October, 2013 due to a bilateral wrist injury. Not knowing where to go, my Stepmom, (may she rest in peace), offered for me to come and live with her and my Father in St. Petersburg, Florida. Not having a long-term plan, I went out there to be of support to my Dad and his wife who was battling brain cancer. Little did I know that the next six years of my life would be focused heavily on healing the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of my being. In this respect, I wasn't going to Florida for a routine family vacation like I had so many times in my childhood. Shortly after my move, I began to seek healing for myself both physically and spiritually. I ended up at a Kirtan chanting event where a new friend asked me, "Are you spiritual?" To which I replied, "No, not really." Before I left she said, "Pray to the Universe," and from that moment forward I began to do so fervently.
I have to go back to my childhood to remember my connection with God and the after-life. My Grandmother Helen Donsky passed away from cancer when I was 12; some years earlier at a Yom Kippur service on a bridge in Simsbury, Connecticut she once remarked that she might not be there for my Bat-Mitzvah. I never wanted to believe that this would be true, but something in her must have known her time was coming to return to Heaven. After her death I recall very vividly speaking to her in my bed at night and telling her how much I loved her. At this age, I had no question of a place beyond this world and it seemed very natural for me to talk to those who had crossed over. When my dog Peaches died a year later, eerily right after my Bat Mitzvah, I was told by my parents that she had floated up to Heaven. I remember visualizing this and believing it to be true.
Being a Jew and a rebel, I had grown very tired of the customs necessary for practicing Judaism by the end of High School; namely having two sets of silverware and dishes in the house and being yelled at constantly for cross-contaminating by both my Mother and Grandmother. The practice of keeping kosher seemed far too OCD for my liking. After leaving the nest, my new-found freedom launched me on a search for Spiritual Truth that peaked my senior year of college. I got heavy into watching the Discovery Science Channel, which touted theories such as the "Big Bang," "Black holes," and "What happens if the moon is moving further away from Earth?" To this day, it bothers me greatly that the Universe has been depicted as a lonely place full of "dark matter."
Nonetheless, I became very interested in the birth of stars and bought many Astronomy and Astrophysics books. As I didn't yet understand God, I decided to follow in the footsteps of my Grandfather Abraham Donsky who seemed to be the odd-ball Atheist/Agnostic in the family. I spent several years playing the Devil's advocate, literally, and read books such as Richard Dawkins, "The God Delusion." Anyone who has seen the spiritual transformation that I have been through would sneer in disbelief at this naïve phase of my life.
Coming back to June 2016, the beginning of my spiritual transformation, I went home to Connecticut to visit my Mother and her life-long friend. One afternoon I spent over an hour talking to my Mom's friend about Spirituality. I was entirely mesmerized by what she told me and I knew it was time for me to remember the truth. We talked about past lives and reincarnation being real, and at one point she said nonchalantly "Oh yes, we pick our families in the before life." She practiced Reiki for many years and was also a psychic medium for those who had lost loved ones, including pets.
Astounded and soulfully satisfied after our conversation, I felt like I had finally struck gold, spiritually speaking. Knowing the long story of my health issues and new-found interest in past lives, she sent me home with the book recommendation, "Many Lives, Many Masters," by Brian Weiss. Fascinated by the miraculous healings portrayed in this book, I became hopeful that perhaps hypnotherapy in the form of past life regression could heal my life-long chronic cough; if the cause was in fact rooted in a previous lifetime. Even though I still suffer with this illness today, my strong desire to cure it set me on a long and arduous path of mental, emotional, physical and and spiritual growth and maturation; all of which were necessary for me to understand and accept my mission in this lifetime. This intense journey would involve years of accelerated learning with the Masters of Heaven involving strict meditation, self-analysis, telepathic training, thought control and emotional healing. For years I endured a whole lot of crying and letting go of my Lower Self desires, with the stern promise of transforming into a Master-Level Soul and Spiritual Teacher here on Earth. The writings and teachings I received from my Higher Self continued to grow in depth and content over the years from 2016 to 2020; at many times to a point of great overwhelm. These beautiful writings are now being compiled, edited and expanded on, as I put together what will be, "The New Earth Healing Program," as well as several smaller spiritual works focused on Healing, God and Truth.
Having been teased and ridiculed since childhood due to my chronic cough, I began past life hypnotherapy determined to cure myself of this dreadful disease. I worked with four different past life regression hypnotherapists intensely, for over a year, to explore my past lives and their relation to my present illness and struggles. This work, along with my declining health, led to my forced medical leave from school and ultimate decision to follow my spiritual path.
The first hypnotherapist, Wendy Hill, intended to start the regression by going into the womb stages of my present life to see what stresses my Mother was enduring at the time. However, my insatiable hunger to discover something bigger took precedence. In one of the first few sessions my soul guided me into a dismal scene. I saw myself underground in a cold prison cell tied to a chair; getting right to the point I suppose. Having felt that there was much more to the story, I stayed curious and simply let it be. After my first hypnotherapy session, my connection to the Higher Mind of God completely opened up. I also began to receive Hebrew letters during my meditations. I gave my Mother a puzzle one day with three Hebrew letters: Lamed, Gimmel and Hay, and asked her to tell me what it meant. In a short time she told me that the most likely translation was, "To Reveal." Being satisfied with this answer I knew that more would be revealed to me. My Mother had been a Hebrew School Teacher for many years so I trusted her conclusion.
Another huge piece of the puzzle of my soul came in the Fall of 2016, shortly after I had started the hypnotherapy in July/August. In need of a cat sitter, I met a highly psychic woman who could talk to my cat! Fascinated by her spiritual gifts, I began to ask more questions. One day I remember asking to her surprise, "Can you touch a ghost?" My memory of the exact sequence of events of everything that followed is not perfect. However, out of the blue one day in what was probably September, she told me that I should learn about Joan of Arc. Not surprisingly, I had no recollection of this figure at all. I ignored her advice until a month or so later when God hit me with several synchronistic messages about Joan of Arc. I remember being on the phone with my Mother, her in Connecticut and myself in San Diego. Being passionately into the Theatre Arts, she exclaimed excitedly, "Saint Joan of Arc is playing soon, too bad you can't come and see it!" My mind immediately went into a flashback memory of what my friend had suggested to me earlier. (Note: a synchronicity is when something occurs twice as a confirmation, most likely as a message from above.)
At this point I was not only curious, but felt strongly that I was on a mission toward understanding something much bigger and much deeper than my physical cough. I immediately texted my friend and asked her why she had told me to research Joan of Arc, to which she replied, "You felt like her energy." This bold assertion left me dumbfounded. We later determined that she was in fact, in that lifetime with me. On day, we did a search for photos of Joan of Arc on the internet, just for the heck of it. Together we scrolled through what seemed like hundreds of photos on google, and suddenly one picture hit me like a brick over the head. I had a deep sense of knowing that I was looking at myself, and more importantly, my soul, in what looked like an old-fashioned version of my late-teenage-early twenties years. This photo happened to be one of several black and white sketches from the Alamy Stock Photos website where I was able to find at least two other photos that resembled her true appearance in that lifetime. (See photo at top). Both my friend and I were happily surprised, as we both knew that what we saw was valid and true. As the old adage goes, "the eye is the window to the soul"; if the eyes are wrong, the character is misrepresented in the photo. (As a side note, there are more than a few photos that do not accurately portray my soul's signature, however I am grateful for those surviving raw sketches that do). Having discovered a version of myself from six hundred years ago, I wanted to remember more. I tried to watch the old black and white film, "Saint Joan," from 1939, but could not get through the whole thing. When the storyline became dark I turned it off, not being able to watch the demise of the heroine of the story.
My continued work with subsequent hypnotherapists solidified the truth of my discovery. Being Human still, my lower mind would continually question the probability of having been Joan. "Is it really possible that I could have braved that role?" I asked myself. Even so, I trekked on in faith and began to work with a Jewish past life hypnotherapist who helped me to release trauma, work through my horrific respiratory symptoms and understand the root of my fear of self-expression in this lifetime. I learned that the cough itself was multi-dimensional and I needed to attack it from all levels of my being.
Even after finding the remarkably accurate depiction of myself as Joan of Arc in the early 1400's, I continued to ask God for confirmations of my identity. The second major synchronistic message came in the form of an uncirculated special edition America the Beautiful Quarter, with a picture of the famous, "Delicate Arch," in Utah. I happened to spot this quarter face down on the ground as I was holding the door open for my classmates at Bastyr University. Never having seen this landmark before as I'm not the most geographically educated, I immediately texted a classmate and asked where this Arch was located. I also looked up the definition of "arch" only to find the synonym "arc." (A bit of a blonde moment). Within a week's time, as I was about to leave from a Whole Foods Market where I would hang out after my past life regression sessions, God turned my head to the left just in time to see a car pass by with the same "Delicate Arch" license plate. That pretty much did it for me, and I thanked God. The same day, I found five quarters on the top of a garbage can and took it as a good omen. (Prior to this stage of my life I wasn't commonly finding money anywhere!) After leaving Whole Foods I ended up finding a French Gift Shop where I splurged and purchased a French dictionary and some nice bar soaps. It was a day of celebration indeed.
God would continue to give me messages using both music and coins. One day I was getting into an Uber to go home from school and the Alicia Keys song lyrics blared on the radio, "This girl is on FIRE!" If you are still in a state of doubt, as is common in the Human experience, there have been other confirmations of my life as Joan. I would have flashes of myself riding a white horse while drifting off to sleep at night. I will add that this was all back in 2016 and I still have vivid dreams about Joan of Arc to this day. Nonetheless, as time went on, I began to understand my purpose as a Divine Warrior and Leader, though I would not understand the full extent of my mission in this lifetime until several years later.
Over the years, I continued to have more Jeanne themed dreams which solidified my identity. These included repetitive dreams where I was advising cast members in theater shows about her character and visiting museum exhibits that commemorated her life. The final dream proof, (just to quench that Human doubt), came during a terrifying experience of myself burning in flames in that lifetime and ascending to Heaven victorious. These are the type of dreams that I wake up from screaming to Archangel Michael for help.
Ironically, as a bonus, I finally came to understand the root of my fears of lighting a match; a phobia I had since childhood. To this day I shriek like a little kid and throw the match down once the flame lights up-- thank God for Bic lighters. Furthermore, in my waking life, which has never been as exciting as my dream life, I have experienced many moments of going into the character of Joan and feeling her strong desires to lead a Revolution and enact Divine Justice in this world.
So, why am I telling you all of this? Is it all about me? No, of course not. I'm not just here on Earth to remember who I am, but rather to help you remember who you are and what you're capable of achieving. Every soul has a story and a unique evolutionary track toward it's Ascension or Mastery of God's Divine qualities of Love, Wisdom and Strength. As our planet has now entered into a higher frequency of light or density, it is time to shift our focus from the Human to the Divine and remember why we're really here. In Part Two I will talk more about what it is like to go through a spiritual awakening and why seeking your soul is the most pivotal task before you.