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Being Secure in Who You Are

Updated: Jun 13, 2020

I think the most common thing we struggle with as a human family is a lack of security with self. Why? We grow up constantly comparing ourselves to others thinking we need to be like them when really, we just need to be ourselves and own it. And I’m not talking about having a huge ego; I’m talking about being secure in who you are, loving yourself, and valuing your own unique beauty.

I experienced insecurity regarding my attraction identity (sexuality) for years and I let it keep me isolated. We grow up with the notion that we are supposed to “fit in.” I think it is extremely important to realize that the only place we need to fit in is in our own mind and body. What need be taught to our youth is the beautiful concept of becoming that which you are, and becoming comfortable in your own skin, not the idea of having to “fit in” to a societal concept of “normal.”


I have always wondered how having clubs for African Americans only, or Latinos only, or LGBT only, is useful in creating an integrated and accepting society. I now realize we are dealing with two sides of the same coin: the human need to feel accepted and “fit in” inherently drives us to people who we feel are like us, yet further division into exclusive categories limits the expansion of understanding and acceptance from a humanistic standpoint. Until we realize our common humanity and common insecurity- until we are open to discussing what we perceive as our “differences,” we will never have true integration, and we will never be free of prejudice.

After all, isn’t prejudice just a misguided reaction to the human condition of insecurity? I always say that any prejudice you feel towards me is really a prejudice you have with yourself. What might you be holding against yourself? It’s OK to feel insecure sometimes, but when you are unable to heal your own insecurity it causes a lot of unnecessary hurt to others. When you see the impermanence and chaos in life, you realize that the only thing you can really feel secure about is WHO YOU ARE, and that which you choose to stand for and embody in this world. When you can see the beauty in yourself, even in your faults, it becomes that much easier to see beauty and perfection in all of God's creations.

So, how does one begin to feel secure in who they are? Start by making a list of everything you love about yourself and everything you may wish to change. Try not to judge yourself for your mistakes, rather, look at them as necessary stepping points in the process of self-realization. It is not easy to tell the world who you are, but as you grow in your own individual truth, the collective truth of the world will follow and we will begin to see our common humanity.

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